Creep by Radiohead

Creep by Radio­head became some­what of my per­sonal anthem once the Spi­der had released me from my self-​imposed emo­tional shack­les and I had finally admit­ted to myself what I was.

It was free­ing to be true to myself, but I could not imag­ine that any sane woman would want a creep like me. It never occurred to me that I would be as well-​received as I was when I first signed up on FetLife. In fact, I am still strug­gling with wrap­ping my brain around all the love and accep­tance that is shone my way.

It turns out that not only sane women want me after all, but the most mag­nif­i­cent women I have ever met do. The women that do are more fem­i­nine, warmer, more lov­ing, more… female than any other women I have ever met before.

I am try­ing to not think of all the time I have lost by wear­ing a mask, try­ing to be one of the sheep. To think that all I had to do was to be myself… I am a preda­tor and there is appar­ently noth­ing wrong with that.

Still, this song holds a strong grip on my heart; deep down it is still how I feel.

* * *

When you were here before,
Couldn’t look you in the eye
You’re just like an angel,
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beau­ti­ful world
I wish I was spe­cial
You’re so fuckin’ special

But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t care if it hurts,
I wanna have con­trol
I want a per­fect body
I want a per­fect soul

I want you to notice
when I’m not around
You’re so fuckin’ spe­cial
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here, ohhhh, ohhhh

She’s run­ning out again
She’s run­ning out
She run run run run…
run… run…

What­ever makes you happy
What­ever you want
You’re so fuckin’ spe­cial
I wish I was special

But I’m a creep,
I’m a weirdo
What the hell am I doin’ here?
I don’t belong here

I don’t belong here…