Hum­mer

“Hello, there. How are you doing?

“Do you come here often?

“What’s your name? Richard? I think I’ll call you…

“Dick.”

Oy vey, I thought, as she was chat­ting up my cock. I couldn’t help but chuckle. She turned her head, caus­ing her long, black hair slide over the glans and smiled.

“Do you mind?”

“No. By all means, go ahead.” I made a grand invit­ing ges­ture; have at it.

She chastely kissed the tip and then slowly slid far­ther and far­ther down, only stop­ping when her nose was pressed against my crotch. Stay­ing there, her tongue slid up and down the length of the shaft and she started mak­ing those mag­i­cal swal­low­ing motions that make me feel like I’m being devoured alive by warm, slick softness.

Ahhh…

I set­tled in for a quiet, peace­ful cock-​worship ses­sion and I could feel her also set­tling in for the long haul in a com­fort­able position.

Then,

♪ Do–a deer a female deer ♪

Huh?

♪ Re–a drop of golden sun ♪

What?

♪ Mi–a name I call myself ♪

What’s going on?

♪ Fa–a long, long way to run ♪

She’s hum­ming!

♪ So–a nee­dle pulling thread ♪

What is she hum­ming? I rec­og­nize it.

♪ La–a note to fol­low So ♪

That’s… that’s from Sound of Music!

♪ Ti–a drink with jam and bread ♪

Show tunes! She’s hum­ming show tunes!

♪ That will bring us back to Do ♪

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

♪ Oh-​oh-​oh ♪

Speech­less, I stared in dis­be­lief at the silky mass of black hair by my crotch. A remote part of my brain ques­tioned if the inclu­sion of show tunes in some twisted way made the whole expe­ri­ence gay. I quickly dis­missed that thought and decided that it sim­ply made it severely kinky.

Mean­while, she busted out in,

♪ The hills are ali­i­i­ive with the Sound of Muu­u­u­u­sic! ♪

It became too much for me when she, with earnest gusto, included the back­ground choir,

♪ Ah-​ah-​ah-​ah ♪

I burst out laugh­ing. Oh, man. What can you pos­si­bly say about that? Noth­ing in my life ever pre­pared me for this bizarre turn of events. Was I dreaming?

She stopped hum­ming and peered up at me, beam­ing. “I was won­der­ing on my way home today… when they talk about hum­mers, does that mean that they hum while giv­ing blow jobs?”

“Uh… yeah.”

“Like that?”

“Mmmp­phhh…” I was sti­fling a laugh attack and squealed, “No…

“I think most peo­ple just hum aim­lessly,” I labored out with one hand cov­er­ing my mouth.

“Like this?” She asked and sucked me in again and made the sound of a fish­ing trawler’s fog horn.

“Eeeep!” That was intense. “I guess…”

“But that’s so bor­ing! Doesn’t it feel bet­ter this way?”

Before I could respond, she devoured me again and hummed Ave Maria with my dick in her mouth.

I sank back onto the pil­low and rolled my eyes. Images of Franz Schu­bert spin­ning in his grave flashed before my eyes. Oh, holy Mother of God…

Finally, she con­cluded her per­for­mance with The Star-​Spangled Ban­ner. Why not? After all, I was already at atten­tion. Although I did find myself idly won­der­ing how many men would have stayed rigid through this… experience.

Truth be told, I was just happy that she hadn’t cho­sen the music of Gilbert and Sul­li­van. I didn’t actu­ally have to keep a straight face but there’s no way my shaft would have remained straight through a med­ley of topsy-​turvy librettos.

She stud­ied me with laugh­ing green eyes while I strug­gled to com­pose myself before ask­ing as intel­li­gi­bly as I could muster,

“Do you take requests?”