My doctor sprung a prostate exam on me today.
“It is completely optional,” she said, her eyes glazed with maniacal glee as she snapped the exam gloves in place.
Like a deer in the headlights, I mustered a shaky smile. “Let’s save that until next time I see you,” my lips said while my brain said, Hasta la vista, baby.
“We highly recommend it. Look,” she said, wiggling her right index finger in my face. “It’s better to have a female do it; we have smaller fingers.”
“But aren’t you supposed to be over 50 before you have to do this sh… stuff?” I pleaded with her with my biggest puppy-dog eyes.
“No, that’s the colonoscopy.
Colonoscopy?!
“We do the prostate exam over age 40,” she continued while absent-mindedly lubing up her glove-clad finger. Obviously she was confident in getting her way with me.
Optional, my, uh, ass…
“But, but, but…”
“It’ll be over in a second. Pull down your pants and bend over the exam table.”
I reluctantly complied. Bent over, I looked back at her with a nervous grin. “Aren’t you going to take me to dinner first?”
“Doesn’t work that way,” I think she responded. I can’t be sure, though, because I was busy squealing like a little girl.
Sigh. When I woke up this morning, getting a finger up my business was most definitely not on my to-do list…
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Its better to be safe than sorry, so if a little examination has to be done to save your life then so be it! i know a guy that died from prostate cancer so its well worth the unusual feeling!
Don’t worry. I think he enjoyed having something stuck up his butt…..although he will never admit it.
I’m with Nancy on the not as bad as what women deal with but…there is the matter of expectation. No doubt this was not a pre-negotiated scene!
However, I am trying to imagine what other effective negotiation tactic would have resulted in the exam happening. Can you?
Oh be glad you went ahead and let her — she found nothing bad or you’d have mentioned that.
Surely it isnt so bad as what women endure under the guise of “medical care”