Q: How Do I Keep a Sadist Interested?

A: This is a loaded ques­tion with no clear-​​cut answers. You may have to rethink some of the things you are used to, deal­ing with sadists. Dom­i­nants and sadists may look and act sim­i­larly, and often you may not see much of a dif­fer­ence, but at least in my def­i­n­i­tion of the labels, there are some sub­tle dif­fer­ences that may throw you off.

Note that men are just as unique and com­pli­cated as women are, with the added com­pli­ca­tion that we suck at express­ing our emo­tions. Women are emo­tional com­mu­ni­ca­tion ath­letes; men may change your tire and carry heavy lug­gage, but you have to do the heavy lift­ing where you excel.

Most guys you run into will have streaks of dom­i­nance and sadism and it is about which is more pro­nounced. Per­son­ally, I can be your domly dom-​​dom, but what sat­is­fies me in the end of the night is not your obe­di­ence and your sub­mis­sive­ness, but your emo­tional and phys­i­cal responses to me. Echo­ing the princess by day/​slut by night thing, I am a dom­i­nant by day and sadist by night. Awfully over-​​simplified, but still fairly accurate.

I doubt you will see much of the male chase of the female that you are used to from a sadist. A dom­i­nant might chase because he is more or less a car­i­ca­ture of an alpha male, tak­ing the “nor­mal” a step fur­ther. Per­son­ally, I think a sadist is less of a car­i­ca­ture of an alpha male, and more of some­thing else. If a dom­i­nant is a king, then a sadist would be a magi­cian, or a bishop. If a dom­i­nant is a knight, then a sadist is a priest. If a dom­i­nant is the tribal chief, then the sadist is the shaman. If a dom­i­nant is a sculp­tor, then a sadist is a poet.

A sadist is less likely to thrill much at the chase and instead savor the cat-​​and-​​mouse play after he has you. He will hurt you. He will hurt you phys­i­cally and per­haps emo­tion­ally, and his thrill is in your being help­less to resist, and your being help­less to resist com­ing back for more. The thrill is not in the hunt and the kill, but in the pro­found con­nec­tion and inti­macy between the tor­turer and the tortured.

I do not pur­sue women. Women come to me. It is not as arro­gant as it sounds, though. I will feed off you and I will take from you and I can­not bear the thought of con­vert­ing some­body, any­body, to this. You have to approach me stand­ing on your own two feet, and you have to con­vince me that you not only under­stand but that you crave being fed on as much as I crave feed­ing on you.

I seek sym­bio­sis. I seek those that will not crum­ble when I sink my teeth into them. I seek strength, mag­nif­i­cence, and emo­tional force pow­er­ful enough to be shared, to enclose me, to wrap itself around me.

A sadist feeds off your response to him. It is in your response to his touch or his pres­ence that he sees him­self. It is only when you respond to him that he feels truly alive. He is less likely to be enam­ored with your sub­mis­sion and obe­di­ence, and instead rel­ish your capac­ity to sur­ren­der, to feel, and to com­mu­ni­cate those feel­ings to him.

Do not make the mis­take of fak­ing it, though. Part of his make-​​up is a strong abil­ity to empathize. His empa­thy is his sex-​​organ, if you will. He uses his empa­thy to pen­e­trate your emo­tions and to sink deeper and deeper into you; it also means that he will sense when some­thing is off-​​kilter.

The sadist needs you to feel so strongly and shine so brightly that his own heart res­onates with yours. That is when you have him. You con­nect with a sadist by mak­ing him feel, and you do that by feel­ing so strongly that he is caught in the mael­strom of your emotions.