A: Hmm… my preferred method of erotic torture…
Where do I begin?
My personal preference is most definitely rough sex and passionate violence. Basically anything I can do to you with my own body; most frequently employed tools: fingers and teeth. I pull your hair and I bite and I pinch and I choke and I slap and I dig my fingers (and hands) into you.
To me, physical closeness is of utmost importance and that is how I express my desire and affection. In fact, I often exhibit an almost desperate craving for intimacy and connection and with the particular bent of mine, I could go straight through your skin just to get close to you. As such, it is an imperative to simply wrap you all around me.
I am a sadist and as such I am less concerned with your submission and obedience and more looking for your surrender, if that makes sense. I am less likely to tell you to kneel and more likely to simply dig into your collarbone and make your knees crumble involuntarily from pain.
For the longest time, I exclusively employed rapture-like violent emotional assault and I only used my teeth and my fingers. Only last year did I decide to start playing with toys like whips and rope and what-have-you, so I am taking every chance to get practice in the different implements and toys. Since I am a sadistic bastard, my greatest challenge seems to be to go light and easy. Not that I’ve had any complaints, really. Shrugs.
So I do have a toy bag nowadays with some interesting things but I find playing with paraphernalia to be more fun and a social thing than a way to connect and to make love. To me, making love is me and you and no distance whatsoever. To me, making love is me inside you.
The distance thing is a big deal for me. Granted, I’m looking into a fun remote-controlled TENS unit to be used in covertly in public, but that is a special case. Even though I find whips fascinating I only have one small flogger in my arsenal. I prefer canes for impact play because I can feel the impact in my hand and as such I feel more connected with you than when using a flogger or another type of whip.
Basically, the greater the level of closeness and intimacy in our interaction, the more likely I am to like it. Needle play is intimate and rope play is too. (I am new to ropes but I am learning.) One of these days I might venture into knife play but I am in no hurry for that. I love grasping breasts from behind wearing my vampire gloves and chomping down on your neck at the same time. The stainless steel ass-hook is kinda fun, especially if I can tie it to your hair.
I have several clamps but I hardly ever use them because I prefer to do the pinching myself. Besides, I have been told in a little and plaintive voice that my fingers are much worse than any clover clamps.
No toys in the world can cause the same connection and intimacy as your hands, your fingers, your teeth in touching your lover. True, toys can be fun and a change of pace, but they must not be used to create a distance between you.
Touch is critical. Connection is critical. Intimacy is critical.
I am not really concerned with the amount of pain that you can take. I do not get off on how much I have to strain myself to hit you hard. My own pleasure isn’t measured in how much sweat I worked up.
Rather, my pleasure is measured in the look in your eyes; in the tunnel-vision I see in your eyes that shows that I’m the only thing that exists for you right then and there, that nothing else matters, just me and what I am doing to you.
I know that many/most tops like to pack a wallop but to me it sounds like getting off on the logistics and mechanics of causing pain, rather than the effect of that pain. It’s like admiring the hammer you used to build a house rather than admiring the house itself. Just like the hammer, pain is only a tool to reach inside you and to shape your emotions and your experience.
I know that tears are scary for most men and that of course includes tops and doms. I do not have that problem. I have been aroused by girls’ and women’s tears since I was a little boy. For the longest time I thought I was a freak because of it but I have since then embraced it.
Tears are liquid emotion and so incredibly beautiful. Note that I do not expect tears and I hardly ever actually try for them but I do so appreciate them when they do appear. It is frankly one of the biggest rewards I can get. To me, your tears are precious.
Because of my need for physical closeness and intimacy, I tend to find ways into your body, be it fingers in your mouth or something else somewhere else. Vaginal fisting is a favorite of mine, for instance. I guess you can say that I have a penetration fetish.
I can play according to any rules we agree on but if left up to my own devices I am in your face and raw and invasive and my goal is to get into your heart and into your emotions and I do that through intense sensation. The more bewildered and off-balance and beside yourself I get you, the better. Of course, other days I just want to make you purr like a little kitten, so in the end, it all depends, I suppose.


{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
That’s a telling comment about force and response, and especially about why you prefer canes to floggers. My sadistic Master is definitely one who gets off on the response of his victim. I am not a masochistic, and it takes much less pain to elicit real suffering from meas opposed to what a pain slut would need. But sometimes he does need to hit hard. So he designed a fairly gentle flogger especially for me so he can bring it down with great force and not send me into a 3-day emotional tailspin.
I haven’t been here for a while and am glad to have stumbled on you again – via the amazing breath play story you posted on FetLife.
o.g.
Noted: your critical list is mine.
We have a whole dresser full of toys but, like you, it is the ‘handy’ ones that are most often employed. And yes, it is all about the intimacy…
I understand this from a top point of view as well. I love to give massages. Not the relaxation massage for me though – I like it to have a bit more ‘bite’. For example it can be deep tissue. Other times it just works through some over stressed muscles and releases ‘trigger points’. Regardless, it hurts. I love, love, love doing this. For me the why is different but the same. Mine is a typical service top scenario, I want the receiver to want it. I know it hurts but it is a ‘good hurt’. On the otherside is that blissed out body feeling. I get off on that.
Lovely topic – inspired me to reply. A lot.