Q: Why Do You Enjoy See­ing Your Lover Cry?

A: As a sadist, being aroused by tears appears to come with the ter­ri­tory. My lover cry­ing in response to my touch is one of the most beau­ti­ful things she can do for me. Kiss­ing and lick­ing the tears trick­ling down her face—tears that belong to me—is such an inti­mate act of con­nec­tion, of communion.

I grew up pretty shel­tered and even though I read The Joy of Sex cover-​to-​cover many times, it still baf­fled me that I would get a rag­ing hard-​on every time my sec­ond girl­friend cried. I had never seen any­thing more beau­ti­ful and more feminine.

I felt like a mon­ster every time I would “acci­den­tally” hurt her or make her cry from frus­tra­tion. It was a relief for me when I dis­cov­ered that she would cry from com­ing too hard too; that was some­thing I went for with gusto because it was some­thing pos­i­tive I could do to get what I craved.

Tears are drops of liq­uid emo­tion and my lover’s emo­tional response is all that I am after. Pry­ing open my lover’s heart and soul, to make her spread her emo­tional wings around me and warm me with the radi­ance of her response, is what I crave. It is what I need.

Maybe being a sadist means that I am emo­tion­ally dis­fig­ured, I’ll leave that for oth­ers to decide. But I con­sider myself blessed. I get to expe­ri­ence some­thing beau­ti­ful, a con­nec­tion so pro­found that it is almost spir­i­tual; the inti­macy between the tor­turer and the tortured.

Am I abu­sive? Nar­cis­sis­tic? Truth be told; I don’t know. I don’t think I am, but if I was, I would deny it. Some say that deny­ing that you are a nar­cis­sist in fact proves that you are. How­ever, I while ago I made a com­ment else­where that may say what I think of my species in a nutshell:

I like to say that what we sadists lack in sym­pa­thy, we make up for in empa­thy. I would go so far as to say that a sadist could be the most atten­tive and sen­si­tive lover, should he ven­ture into the taboo areas of romance and ten­der­ness. Few will have bet­ter insight into your emo­tions and what makes you tick because that sim­ply comes with the territory.

Who, after all, has greater moti­va­tion to dive into your heart and soul and solve the puz­zle of what makes you tick but your torturer?